Last year I stepped up to answer Google’s questions about America, but I was doing so from an American IP address. 

I’ve been here for a solid nine months now, so it’s time to take ‘em on from behind enemy lines. 

1. Why do Americans hate Canada? 

• This is a big misunderstanding. It’s not hate. It’s more like we’re the older brother and we’re picking on our sibling. Also, I don’t think America spends a lot of time thinking about Canada (which is unfortunate as Canada really is great) and sometimes nonchalance is mistaken as hate, I guess. 

2. Why do Americans wear shoes indoors?

• This was the biggest culture shock for me upon moving to Canada. It took me about three months before I realized I was always the only one walking around in the house with my shoes on. They’re very tidy about it, too, most of them have this nice little shoe rack by the door. Very strange folks, these Canucks are. 

3. Why do Americans say “zee”? 

• I take back what I said about number two. THIS was the biggest difference. I’ll admit I didn’t even know the rest of the world says “zed” when referring to the letter Z. Do we Americans just change everything for the sake of being different? Are Americans the original hipsters?

4. Why do Americans hate Obama?

• This should have a “some” in there somewhere. I’ve never understood the hating politicians thing. But people will be people, I guess. Lets move on to something a little less messy like….

5. Why do Americans hate Nickelback?

• Much better. I’m actually a Nickelback apologist. Well, everything except “If Today was your Last Day.” That song is genuine crap.

6. Why do Americans hate communism?

• I’m not qualified to answer this.

7. Why do Americans make fun of Canadians?

• Because we’re insecure about our own shortcomings. And we’re fiercely jealous that you guys get to claim Bieber AND Celine Dion. 

[email me your Google screenshots at bendavis401[at]hotmail[dot]com and I’ll answer your country’s questions!]